What's your love language?

-
Good partner relationships aren't easy. They need both parties adopting a posture of leaning in. Most breakdowns happen when the 'we' becomes 'me'. I am no agony uncle, and don't claim to have the answers. So although I have experienced a range of emotions, I've managed to survive a 37 years marriage to my long-suffering wife Caroline.

Any relationships can become tired and I've found it so easy to take each other for granted. That said, Caroline was always keen that we had a relationship refresh, an enhancement. She liken this to what a car does when it has an MOT tune-up. I'd always been a bit more reluctant, holding to an attitude "if it's not broken there is really nothing to fix."

That said, Caroline gave me a book and suggested I read it. I sensed the suggestion was for our mutual benefit, so, as she was heading away with friends for a few days, I had the time - and boy was it a page turner.

It is called '5 Love Languages' by Gary Chapman. If you can't afford the book do the free online survey - https://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/couples/.

To say that it transformed our relationship would be an understatement. The thing that became clear was that my primary love language was very different to the way Caroline gave and received love. Ever since we have had a better understanding of how the other person ticks.

Hopefully, it will take you from 'surviving' to 'thriving' and help you rekindle a fresh sense of intimacy. These love languages are only a relationship-building tool, yet one that will help you best discover what makes each other tick. Check it out.

I'll keep "holding the cushion" technique for another day.



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Joy - The Third Sunday of Advent

-
Image
Tomorrow we continue the liturgical calendar, the Third Sunday of Advent. The four Sundays preceding Christmas, which is when Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, are recognized for four virtues. The candles on the Advent wreath symbolize hope, peace, joy and love. The Third Candle of Advent - Joy . Otherwise known as the " Shepherd Candle, " this third candle of Advent reflects the joy that comes through Jesus’ arrival, and through the salvation he has gifted us. It is also known as the Shepherd Candle to highlight the joy the shepherds experienced when they received the good news about Christ’s birth ( Luke 2:8-20 ). During the middle of the night, the darkest time, the shepherds encountered angels. During this third week of advent, this Sunday celebrates the passage  Philippians 4:4-5 , its verses extolling readers to “ rejoice ” for “indeed the Lord is near.”  Churches want to highlight the importance of joy in advent season. During a time
Read more

Mercy drops...thank you

-
I am so very thankful for the mercy and grace of God that we have experienced over these past three days.  "Holding on to the horns of the altar" is a Bible expression for appealing to God's mercy, as a literal place of asylum that people once ran to in times of trouble. Our wee family have been literally "holding on" crying "mercy Lord." This has been since our son Stephen ran in the Murcia Marathon and collapsed, around the eighteenth mile, with a life-threatening heat stroke.  John, in the book of Revelation, talks about 'the prayers of the saints' rising 'as incense, filling up a bowl of mercy' which is poured back out on earth* (Rev 5:8;8:4). This is not just a theology that is relegated to saints of a bygone era. I have found prayer in fact to be a really practical demonstration and release of the life-giving power of God moving today. I call it " kneeology ". People from all over, bowing an
Read more

Finishing strong

-
Usain Bolt is the only sprinter to win Olympic 100 metres and 200 metres titles at three consecutive Olympics (2008, 2012 and 2016). His speed earned him the nickname Lightning Bolt. Yet, paradoxically we learn that he was a slow starter as one of the slowest runners off the blocks. He had faith in his process though, and knew that he would gain speed in the latter stages of any race. Usain, as a slow starter, has left us with this lesson. Finishing strong makes up for shaky starts. I was reminded this week by a very public shaky start, as I witnessed the bookies favourite for the Open, our very own Rory McIlroy. Rory had a nightmare of a round on Thursday. This most uncharacteristic and unfortunate poor round of golf meant he was well out of contention scoring  8 over par. Friday was a different story though. Like a true champion he dusted himself down and scored an amazing 6 under par. Even though he just missed the cut, he demonstrated a resilient tenacity of spi
Read more