What's your love language?

Good partner relationships aren't easy. They need both parties adopting a posture of leaning in. Most breakdowns happen when the 'we' becomes 'me'. I am no agony uncle, and don't claim to have the answers. So although I have experienced a range of emotions, I've managed to survive a 37 years marriage to my long-suffering wife Caroline.

Any relationships can become tired and I've found it so easy to take each other for granted. That said, Caroline was always keen that we had a relationship refresh, an enhancement. She liken this to what a car does when it has an MOT tune-up. I'd always been a bit more reluctant, holding to an attitude "if it's not broken there is really nothing to fix."

That said, Caroline gave me a book and suggested I read it. I sensed the suggestion was for our mutual benefit, so, as she was heading away with friends for a few days, I had the time - and boy was it a page turner.

It is called '5 Love Languages' by Gary Chapman. If you can't afford the book do the free online survey - https://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/couples/.

To say that it transformed our relationship would be an understatement. The thing that became clear was that my primary love language was very different to the way Caroline gave and received love. Ever since we have had a better understanding of how the other person ticks.

Hopefully, it will take you from 'surviving' to 'thriving' and help you rekindle a fresh sense of intimacy. These love languages are only a relationship-building tool, yet one that will help you best discover what makes each other tick. Check it out.

I'll keep "holding the cushion" technique for another day.